李海妹 Lauralee
东北育才学校高级教师、求师得数位学习联合创办人、《数字故事讲述》课程主持人
全国创新英语大赛总冠军特级辅导教师、全国中小学生英语大赛团体赛全国总冠军指导教师、沈阳市名师进课堂讲师团成员...

读后续写写作攻略
读后续写中读的过程要做到找、划、猜。找文章的主题，划出表现人物性格/推动情节发展的词句，猜测故事的内容走向。
下面我们以沈阳市二模为例演示写作过程。
1.找主题 Theme: kindness from strangers
2.编内容
Para 1 接到电话后担心紧张；打手机询问打不通；决定转钱
Para 2 紧张被店员注意；店员报警真相大白；感激/升华
3.分配细节
Para 1 担心紧张的心理/表情描写；决定转钱时的连动
Para 2 两人对话的语言描写 ；得知真相后的心理描写
4.写草稿
Para 1 Cecil was totally at a loss. Astonished and suspicious, he called David's mobile phone to see what happened. However, the line was busy, which made him more anxious. Worrying about his grandson, he found his credit card and set off for Walmart.
Para 2 The lucky part of Cecil's day was when he stepped into cashier Audrella's line in Wal-Mart. "How can I help you?" she asked gently. "I need to transfer $2300 to another store."said Cecil nervously. Sensing his nervousness, Audrella asked if everything was okay. After Cecil told her the whole story, Audrella called the police. When two officers arrived, Cecil were calm again and realized that the whole thing was a phone scam. Cecil held Audrella's hands, and thanked her sincerely for her kindness and love.

5.语言润色
Para 1 Cecil was totally at a loss. With a mixture of astonishment and suspicion, he called David's mobile phone, attempting to figure out what on earth had happened. However, after calling up to 10 times, the line was busy all along, which only added to his anxiety all the more. Worrying about his grandson, feeling no time to waste, he took his credit card, started the car and off he went.
Para 2 The lucky part of Cecil's day was when he stepped into cashier Audrella's line in Wal-Mart. "How can I help you?" she asked gently. "I...I need to transfer $2300 to...to another...store." stammered Cecil, sweat rolling down his forehead. Sensing his nervousness, Audrella couldn't help asking if everything was okay. With a shaking voice and reddened eyes, Cecil told her the whole story, pinning all his hopes on this young girl he'd never met before. Burning with mounting suspicion, Audrella called the police. With the arrival of two officers, Cecil regained his calm and came to the realization that the whole thing turned out to be nothing but a phone scam. Holding Audrella's hands tightly, Cecil couldn't thank her enough and gave her $100 in reward, knowing too well that no price was too high for the random act of kindness and love.

下面以这篇文章为例为大家演示写作过程
Ann and her mother had lived in a small unattractive cottage as long as Ann could remember.
It was party time. Christmas was so close, and so was her birthday. Ann wished she could get a new dress with frills and lace as a wonderful Christmas gift. All her friends would be getting new dresses. But Ann did not want to ask her Mom for a new one. She knew how hard her mom worked to make both ends meet. Maybe she could make a wish--maybe Santa Claus would come...
Ann couldn't help dreaming about the new dress even though she knew that Santa Claus was just an imaginary character.
Her classmates were talking only of Christmas celebrations which were nearing.
"My rich aunt is surely going to give me a pretty branded doll again," said Ria.
" I have been hinting about that costly watch to my parents. They are bound to gift that to me, " told Tessi.
Ann felt left out in those conversations. She neither had rich parents nor rich aunt & uncle to give her expensive gifts. It was not just a gift that worried Ann. It was her mother. Nowadays she was working overtime and looked pale and worn out.
The days passed and soon it was Christmas Eve. But nothing lovely was being cooked in Ann's house. Every child went to bed eagerly waiting for the lovely gifts that he or she would receive the next day. Ann went to bed with a heavy heart. She knew that there would be no gifts for her.
Ann wished with her whole heart that at least this time she would get a gift from Santa Claus. Ann slowly drifted off to sleep.
Ring...Ring...Ann jumped, hearing alarm.
She suddenly remembered that it was Christmas day. Without much hope she looked if there were any gifts for her. Wonder of wonders! There lay a beautiful packet tied with a red ribbon.
Paragraph 1 Ann excitedly opened the package.
Paragraph 2 Ann felt that there was something familiar about this note.
1 精读文章
根据文章内容，我们可以画出关键句：Ann wished she could get a new dress with frills and lace as a wonderful Christmas gift......But Ann did not want to ask her Mom for a new one. She knew how hard her mom worked to make both ends meet...... She neither had rich parents nor rich aunt & uncle to give her expensive gifts. It was not just a gift that worried Ann. It was her mother. Nowadays she was working overtime and looked pale and worn out......Wonder of wonders! There lay a beautiful packet tied with a red ribbon. 根据文章内容分析本文六要素包含
who: Ann and her mother
when: Christmas
where: at home
what: Ann wanted a new dress as a Christmas gift
how: how can Ann's Christmas wish be realized
why: Her family was poor and she has no rich parents nor rich relatives
主人公Ann和妈妈住在一起，家庭条件差，妈妈努力工作才能勉强养家，因此尽管Ann很想要一件新裙子做圣诞礼物，但她知道这会给妈妈造成过重的经济负担，因此对礼物不抱希望，心里反而非常担心妈妈，因为妈妈最近一直加班，身心疲惫。圣诞节一早，令Ann惊喜的是她收到了一个系着红丝带的漂亮的包装盒。
2.设计情节
理解故事内容后，研读续写部分给出的段首句，推断第一段续写内容应该包括：（1）Ann发现礼物正是她心心念念的裙子（2）不知道是谁送的（3）发现字条。第二段内容：（1）意识到是母亲送的（2）感动感激。
3.分配细节
根据第二步设计的情节，考虑每个情节可以使用哪些细节描写。第一段（1）裙子细节描写；Ann看到裙子时的表情、动作、语言和心理描写。（2）不知谁送的礼物：Ann的心理描写。（3）发现字条：Ann的动作描写。第二段（1）意识到是母亲送的：Ann的动作、语言描写。（2）感动感激：Ann的动作、表情、心理描写。
4.连词成句
分配好细节后，列出每个细节可以使用的短语和句式。比如说Ann看到裙子时的惊喜：rub one's eyes; with some reluctance; stretch out one's hands; bury one's face in; smooth and soft;发现字条时的心理和动作：at a loss; burning with curiosity; fall onto the ground; 对妈妈心存感激：make sacrifices for; mixed feelings; be determined to do; a radiant smile on one's face; be grateful for; be blessed with等等。列出这些短语后，尝试把它们连成句子，注意句子之间的衔接要自然。
Ann excitedly opened the package. It was the white dress she had always wished for, with embroidered frills and lace, elegant as hell. “Is this really happening or am I still in my dream?” she asked herself, rubbing her eyes again and again. With some reluctance, she stretched out her hands to touch the dress. It felt so smooth and soft that she even buried her face in it to feel the delicate fabric and smell the fresh scent. Suddenly, she realized that she was still at a loss as to who gave her this generous gift. Burning with curiosity, she began to search the box for possible clues. At that moment, a note fell onto the ground, reading: This is the gift for the best girl in the world.
Ann felt that there was something familiar about this note. As she scrutinized the cursive and neat handwriting, it suddenly dawned on her that the note was written by none other than her dear hardworking mom. “No wonder she’s been working night shifts lately. She’s doing it for me.” murmured Anne. It was then that she truly understood the magnitude of love and the incredible sacrifices her mom made for her. With mixed feelings, she put on the dress and looked into the mirror. There stood a glamorous young lady, with a radiant smile on her face, grateful for all the love and care she was blessed with, determined to be the best daughter she could ever be.

在教学过程中，同学们经常出现以下问题：
1. 情节大逆转
“Mommy, don't go,” my three-year-old son screamed as I walked to the door. My fifteen-year-old leaned against the kitchen counter with his arms folded across his chest, not screaming, but glaring at me as I pulled his little brother off my leg.
“Are you mad at me too?”
“You spend all your time taking care of other people's kids, but what about us?” Dylan left angrily.
I was shocked and a little hurt. How could my own child not understand that the work I was doing was saving live? Then the answer hit me. He didn't know because he had never seen what Healing the Children actually did. Dylan had heard the sores of sick children, but had never once looked into the eyes of a child and understood the hard truth-that without our help, the child would likely die.
“Get dressed. You are going with me.” I said.
I spend the drive explaining the case of Hector to my son, who pretended to ignore me the entire time. “He's seven, only weighs thirty pounds and is very sick. He has a heart condition called Tetralogy of Fallot, which could kill him. It is a miracle(奇迹) that he is still alive. ”
I went on to explain that it took a team of volunteer medical staff to get Hector to the hospital from his remote village and care for him while he was there. Still, Dylan seemed unimpressed.
We stopped at a convenience store for water and snacks. Dylan had one large and one small Slurpee (思乐冰饮料). He said the small one was for Hector. I doubted whether the little guy would be able to drink it, but remained silent. This was the first interest Dylan had shown in being there. I wasn't about to ruin it.
I stopped at the nurse's station to check on Hector's progress while Dylan went to his room. Our patient was recovering physically，but the nurse was concerned that Hector was struggling emotionally. She said “Kids usually bounce back fast, but he hardly speaks and never smiles.”
Para one: Imagine my surprise when I heard laughter from Hector's room.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Para two: On the way home that night, Dylan asked me several times whether Hector would be okay.
Para one: Imagine my surprise when I heard laughter from Hector's room. I couldn't believe my ears. It was another miracle! I walked into his room and saw Dylan gave Hector the small Slurpee. Hector was very happy as he never tasted something delicious like that before. However, he suddenly stopped laughing. It seemed that he had a heart attack. And we rushed him into the emergency room.
这篇文章主人公是一位儿科医生，她的孩子无法理解她的工作，抱怨陪伴时间太少，因此医生带着孩子去亲身体验医生工作的意义。根据第一段段首句我们可以看出医生的儿子和小病人相处很好，甚至很可能成为朋友，按照这个思路写下去孩子才会理解妈妈工作的意义所在。而这样也与第二段回家路上孩子一直关切的询问小病人的情况构成很好的衔接。这位同学在创作时延续了两人一见如故的思路，但却突然来个大逆转，让小病人心脏病突发被送去急救，这么写不利于解决故事的冲突，孩子不仅没有理解妈妈工作的意义，还无形中给妈妈的工作添乱。Conflict is an essential element in drama. 冲突是戏剧中的必要因素。同学们在设计思路时，一定要问自己故事的冲突是什么，我们需要解决什么问题，围绕冲突的解决去续写才能避免不必要的情节。另外，给出两段段首句的目的就是为了限定故事的发展和走向，基本上不需要同学们自己再设计劲爆环节了。还有的同学直接把小病人写死了，通过这种方式孩子们体会到了妈妈工作的意义。其实，人的成长，不一定要以别人的死亡为代价。
2 对话无意义
The sun was just beginning to rise in the east when Daryl climbed into the driver's seat of his truck. He was going to make it to Los Angeles before midnight. He started the engine and got onto the highway.
Suddenly, Daryl saw a large lump(肿块) in the middle of the road. Daryl's instinct had told him to stop. He stepped rapidly on his brakes. As he got closer, he found that this lump was a person. Daryl got out of his truck and slowly approached. There was no blood and the fiture was lying in the middle of the road under a blanket. Now he could see that it was a girl. Her skin was very pale and she looked absolutely worn olut.
"Hey," said Daryl. Then, "Hey!" more loudly. The girl moved but didn't open her eyes. Daryl moved her to the side of the road. At least she wouldn't be run over there. Now she was someone else's problem. He climbed back in his truck and drove down the road.
Just one glace in the rear-view mirror and Daryl saw the girl still lying there. He knew that he couldn't leave her like that. He pulled the truck over again and carried her to the truck. The girl briefly opened her eyes.
"What's your name?" Daryl asked. The girl looked at him, silent. She closed her eyes again and Daryl climbed into the driver's seat. He stopped at the next city, an hour later, and went downtown to the police station. A middle-aged policewoman sat behind the main desk.
"I've got a missing girl," Daryl said. "In my truck. I don't know what to do with her."
Officer Rodriguez came with Daryl and helped him bring the girl inside. The girl still wasn't speaking.
"Well," Daryl said, "I need to hit the road. I have a shipment due in Los Angeles tonight. I was behind the my boss wasn't going to be happy."
"Wait, Sir, you can't leave," said Officer Rodriguez. "We need you to give a statement about how you found the girl."
Paragraph 1:By the time Daryl finished giving his statement, it was mid-afternoon.
Paragraph 2: As Daryl climbed back into the truck, his cell phone rang.
As Daryl climbed back into the truck, his cell phone rang. He answered the phone and said, "This is Daryl speaking. Who is it?" " This is the police station. I'm going to tell you good news. The girl has woken up. Now she wants to see you, can you come back here?" "Could you ask her to wait for some time? I'm in Los Angles." "Okay.".......
续写生动与否与细节描写密切相关， “外表语心动环”的描写不一定要平均分配到文章中，但也不应该出现语言描写过多的现象，一定不要过多使用对话，使用时也不要出现不能推动情节发展、刻画人物性格的对话。像这篇文章中接打电话时"This is..speaking"这种对话就属于浪费文字，尽量不要出现。建议同学们进行语言描写时，一定要与情节发展有着紧密联系，并能真是反映人物的性格特点。比如常见错误1中续写的第二段，我们可以这样写：
On the way home that night, Dylan asked me several times whether Hector would be okay. There were no more moans and groans about my job, only concerns and compassion for Hector. Still talking relentlessly about Hector, Dylan totally forgot what he said at home. It took him a visit to the hospital to truly understand the meaning of my job and the suffering of others. "So you don't mind me taking care of other people's kids now?" Sensing my teasing, he replied, "Only if you promise to take me to the hospital every day." 最后两句母子对话中，母亲以逗弄的口吻跟孩子开玩笑，母亲的语言正好点明了故事的冲突。孩子的回答也很巧妙，体现出孩子态度的转变和对母亲工作的理解。而两者开玩笑似的对话同时也暗示了母子亲密友好的关系。

3说教味过浓
Last Sunday morning, Michael had hardly got up when he received a phone call from his aunt.
“Hi，Michael, are you available today?”asked his aunt over the phone.
Michael knew why she was calling. His uncle was on a business trip abroad. His aunt had to look after her 5-year-old daughter Alice on her own. He thought she must need some help.
"Yes, I don't have any plans for today," Michael responded.
"That's great! Could you come over today? I need to visit a friend at the hospital today. I don't want to take Alice there. Could you help take care of her today?" said his aunt.
"Of course I can. I'll come over soon," said Michael.
Michael loves spending time with little kids and he is good with them, so he often helps others look after their kids. However, his aunt hadn't asked him for a favor before. It was the first time that he had been asked to take care of Alice.
When Michael got there, his aunt was already ready to go out. Before she left home, she told him to keep a close eye on Alice.
"Just don't let her do anything dangerous," she said.
After his aunt left, Michael and Alice were staying in the big house. Of course, it was boring. Then Michael spotted a little red bike in the room.
"Alice, do you know how to ride a bike?" Michael asked.
Alice shook her head, saying, "No. My mom doesn't teach me to ride it. She is worried that I might get hurt."
Michael didn't agree with it. He learned to ride a bike when he was just three years old. Now he finally understood why his aunt asked him to keep a close eye on Alice. It was obvious that his aunt was a typical helicopter mother, who kept watching everything her kid did.
Michael, as a high school student, of course knew that children who were brought up by helicopter mothers could end up having many problems.
Para1 Then Michael had an idea.
Para2 When Michael's aunt returned, she saw Alice riding a bike in the yard.

例1 Michael said, "It's important to constantly ask yourself whose life it is and realize that it is your daughter's life, not yours. You should let her be more independent."
例2 Michael said, "Please forgive my rudeness. Your so-called protection is not protecting Alice. Children need to explore the world and try new things. They may get hurt, but they can learn a lot from injuries and difficulties. " Hearing his words, his aunt realized it was her fault and apologized to Michael. Since then, his aunt gave Alice more space to try something new.
通过故事我们得知Aunt对孩子过度保护，但Michael作为晚辈语言明显与自己的身份不符，说教意图过于明显。如果要讲道理，这种语气可以用在长辈对晚辈或者平辈的朋友之间。建议要么委婉一些讲道理，要么让长辈自己意识到问题所在。
第二段可以这样写：
When Michael's aunt returned, she saw Alice riding a bike in the yard. " I just told you to do one thing and you failed," she snapped at Michael, with mounting fury burning in her chest. But before Michael could say a single word, the cheerful laughter and jolly spirits of Alice filled the yard, which were so contagious that the tension between Michael and his aunt disappeared into thin air completely. Seeing Alice riding with much delight, she murmured, " Maybe things are not that dangerous after all."
4. 细节不充分
The class was nearly over. There weren’t any clouds in the sky. The sun was scorching. The weather was hot. I wanted to go back home because the delicious watermelon was waiting for me. When I came back home, I found my brother had eaten my watermelon. My face was flushed with anger. I shouted to him. He was scared and went to find mother. Soon my brother came and she criticized brother and me at the same time and bought a watermelon for me as compensation. Finally, I made up with brother.

这段文字的主要问题是平铺直叙，语言过于简单，短句较多，细节不足。比如描述自己愤怒时可以增加动作或心理描写，跟弟弟和好时我的语言描写，天气热的环境描写和我的动作描写。比如描写天气时可以这样：The sun was scorching and I was mindlessly tapping my pencil against the desk, T-shirt soaked and hair sticking to forehead. 只有多增加这样的细节，文字才有生动的可能。

2021年1月浙江真题
Pumpkin(南瓜) carving at Halloween is a family tradition. We visit a local farm every October. In the pumpkin field, I compete with my three brothers and sister to seek out the biggest pumpkin. My dad has a rule that we have to carry our pumpkins back home, and as the eldest child I have an advantage—I carried an 85-pounder back last year.
This year, it was hard to tell whether my prize or the one chose by my 14-year-old brother, Jason, was the winner. Unfortunately we forgot to weigh them before taking out their insides, but I was determined to prove my points. All of us were hard at work at the kitchen table, with my mom filming the annual event. I’m unsure now why I thought forcing my head inside the pumpkin would settle the matter, but it seemed to make perfect sense at the time.
With the pumpkin resting on the table, hole uppermost, I bent over and pressed my head against the opening. At first I got jammed just above my eyes and then, as I went on with my task, unwilling to quit, my nose briefly prevented entry. Finally I managed to put my whole head into it, like a cork(软木塞) forced into a bottle. I was able to straighten up with the huge pumpkin resting on my shoulders.
My excitement was short-lived. The pumpkin was heavy. “I’m going to set it down, now,” I said, and with Jason helping to support its weight, I bent back over the table to give it somewhere to rest. It was only when I tried to remove my head that I realized getting out was going to be less straightforward than getting in. When I pulled hard, my nose got in the way. I got into a panic as I pressed firmly against the table and moved my head around trying to find the right angle, but it was no use. “I can’t get it out!” I shouted, my voice sounding unnaturally loud in the enclosed space.
Paragraph 1 I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.
Paragraph 2 That video was posted the day before Halloween.

2021年1月浙江高考续写新鲜出炉，文章讲述了作者小时候家里有在万圣节雕刻南瓜比赛的传统，作者很想赢，每年都会选择一个很大的南瓜。有一年在雕刻南瓜时不小心把头卡在南瓜里出不来了，故事的后半段就由我们来续写了。读完文章之后，我们发现文章风格轻松有趣，与我们平时练习的续写有所不同。我们平时练习的文章往往在故事结束后表达某个道理，这类风格轻松有趣的故事很少触及，所以延续这种风格有一定难度。我们写的时候，尽量让故事的主题围绕家庭趣事，有趣的回忆为主，没有必要上升为严肃的话题。围绕这个主题Laura写了一篇下水文。 
Paragraph 1 I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. As I was cursing myself for being such a dumb ass, my father came into the kitchen, crying out, "Holy crap! What have you done to yourself?" And the whole kitchen burst into a roar of laughter. After having a real good laugh, they seemed to finally realize that I might need a little bit help. Stuck in the pumpkin, I could feel they were trying very hard....not to laugh, pounding, pulling and knocking busily at the same time. Thanks to my family, I got out of the pumpkin. Breathing the air of freedom, I was astonished to find that my dearest mom had been videoing all along. I had a very bad feeling.
Paragraph 2 That video was posted the day before Halloween. Though I had desperately begged mom not to, even offering her 20 dollars, she firmly refused, saying that she's a woman of principle. I kind of respected her for that. With 3 million views, the video went viral, and I became an instant hit overnight. From then on, I was frequently greeted by strangers on the streets, in the church, at the supermarket, or even in the school bathroom. And that's how I earned myself a nickname "pumpkin boy." After all these years, I no longer feel bothered or embarrassed. I am the legend of the family after all.
视频讲解

On this day..

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